by Ashleigh, 13
I am Ashleigh and I’m 13 years old. Ever since I was a little girl I have never been scared of anything; I’ve been on the tallest of rollercoasters and the scariest of rides.
My whole life changed for the worst when I was eight. I still don't know to this day what had triggered my anxiety when I was that age. But I do know that it changed my life for a long time.
Anxiety – age nine
I started realising the change when I was nine. I didn't know what was wrong but I realised there was a difference.
In school I would panic when I started to need to go to the toilet. I tried to seriously hold it but I burst out in tears and held my head low for the whole class to see.
This was not just a one time thing – it happened again and again and again.
Eventually the teacher gave me a permanent reminder that I could go to the toilet any time and just run out. This was fine for me but to the other children this seemed a little odd.
The boys started questioning why I could just run out and go. This made them start teasing me and calling me names. That year I was a very unhappy child.
Bus phobia – age ten
This year I was in a new class with a new teacher which kind of made me nervous. The boys had stopped teasing me as much – but it still continued.
I didn’t have a problem with this teacher or this class but the anxiety still continued.
The problems increased when we left for swimming classes; this is when I realised I had a fear of buses. The fear of buses was caused because I felt like I was captured with no escape to a toilet, which made me panic.
From then on I would try to skip school on Thursdays to miss swimming. If I was forced to go I would just tell the receptionist that I was feeling really unwell and I needed to go home. Then along came secondary school........
Anxiety at secondary school – age 11
I was worse than ever – fear, panic, no escape, no nothing. I was sent to hospital and was moved to a psychologist centre where a woman worked with me to control my anxiety.
By getting into my mind she gave me answers. That was the only thing I was looking for – answers!
I felt a lot better at school and eventually left the psychologist. The school gave me a pass that would give me access to go to the toilet whenever I needed to go.
Feeling better
I still suffer slightly today but not half as bad as I used to be. I do still have panics and have to sit at the back of the hall in an assembly but overall I’m much better and still glad to be alive!
Please take care of yourself and respect your life, feel happy that you do not have an illness and do not wish anything like this on someone. This can and will change their lives forever.
Ashleigh x x
This story may have been edited by Children First for Health for editorial and confidentiality reasons only.
For more help and information:
- The charity Mind has lots of useful information and advice. They also have a helpline on 0845 766 0163.
- Check out the National Phobics Society website.
- The No Panic charity supports people with panic attacks and will also be able to help.
Last reviewed by Teens First for Health: 22 October 2009
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